Devil's Gum
by Fyoex
Summary: On the plus side, Marui would be able to taste the sweet flavour of Heaven. On the down side, Fuji could be telling the truth about the curse. Time for some advice from his trusted teammates! One-shot. Humour.


_**Disclaimer: I do not own POT, I'm only using the characters for entertainment purposes.**_

**A/N:** Hello all, this is a one-shot dedicated to my best friend Greenleafy, who had dedicated a fic to me, so I thought I'd return the favour with this! Marui is her favourite character, so I thought of this. Funnily enough, the inspiration hit me the same day I had gone to her house.

**Summary: **On the plus side, Marui would be able to taste the sweet flavour of Heaven. On the down side, Fuji could be telling the truth about the curse. Time for some advice from his trusted teammates!

**Warning:** Nothing much, one-shot, crack-ish, humour, mock serious, no pairings… I apologise for any mistakes in this fic, and please tell me if I've done something wrong with Rikkai, I don't actually know them that well. I'm leaving out honorifics cause I don't know how Marui addresses others. Oh, and of course there is the sadistic Fuji.

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**Devil's Gum**

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It all started with a trip to the convenience store.

Marui Bunta walked down the isle, staring with child-like wonder at the large assortment of chewing gum. It was Saturday, which meant Marui was allowed to buy a new packet of gum.

This convenience store, aptly named 'HANDY 24/7', was Marui's favourite store. The single reason for this was for its huge range of gum.

Eyes glittering, his hand slowly reached out to grab some grape flavoured gum. He twirled it in his fingers, and with a disappointed sigh, he put it back.

Marui was actually looking for a specific gum he had bought a few months back. It had been delicious, and he had mourned greatly when he realised he had finished the pack in one afternoon. Every week he had searched for it, hoping to find it again.

He moved himself to another section, though his heart was already resigned, as he realised he would probably never find that special gum ever again.

"Marui, isn't it?"

Marui quickly turned around to come face to face with a certain smiling brown haired genius. Marui shivered. There was something about that smile… the way it stretched effortlessly across his face… as if speaking of impending doom.

"Ah, Fuji …"

If possible, Fuji's smile grew wider.

"I see you are looking for chewing gum."

Marui got the strange feeling he should run away, but that would be impolite.

"Yes, I'm trying to find a specific flavour that I like, but I'll probably end up buying strawberry or grape or- what's that?"

Fuji had started waving a strange packet of gum in front of Marui's face, one that he had never seen before. The wrapping was white, with silver and red swirly patterns on it. He couldn't make out the name properly from the movement. Marui was instantly hypnotised.

"What's that," Marui uttered again.

Fuji smiled pleasantly. "This is Devil's Gum."

"Devil's Gum?"

"Devil's Gum. The most _delicious_, _juiciest_, _chewiest_ gum in the world."

Marui could feel his mouth watering as his mouth dropped open.

"What flavour is it?" he asked curiously.

"_Heaven_ flavoured."

"_Heaven_ flavoured?"

"_Heaven_ flavoured. One taste and it would be as if you were in Heaven," Fuji informed cheerfully.

Marui licked his lips as his hands reach up to grab the packet of gum. Just as he was about to touch it, it was jerked higher.

"Saa but Marui, don't you want to hear about the curse first?" Fuji asked with a glint in his now opened eyes.

Marui blinked. "A curse?"

Fuji nodded. "It is said that anyone who takes even a single bite of Devil's gum, by the end of the day their soul will be _dragged down to the deepest pits of Hell_ and be left to _suffer the_** torture **_of the eternal fires _**burning**_ through their very _**soul**!"

The mysterious storm clouds disappeared and were replaced by sunshine again. Fuji closed his eyes and smiled before handing the gum to Marui. He said a merry goodbye and skipped off.

Marui stood there blinking for a long time, before looking at the packet of gum in his hands. It looked innocent enough, though the red lettering making up Devil's Gum was a tad unnerving.

To taste or not to taste… that is the question. Marui left HANDY 24/7 and walked home quickly, hoping he would have made a decision by the time he arrived home. Unfortunately, he hadn't, and we now see him sitting on the couch pensively staring at the white pack of gum.

On the plus side, Marui would be able to taste the sweet flavour of Heaven. On the down side, Fuji could be telling the truth about the curse. Would it be worth it?

15 minutes later, Marui finally decided. Well, he decided that he couldn't decide so he decided to get some advice from his teammates. Luckily he had all the regulars' numbers…

_Ring, ring. Ring, ri-_

"Hello?"

"Jackal! It's me! I need your heeeellllpp!"

"Okay okay, calm down. What's wrong?"

"Well you see, Fuji gave me this packet of gum called Devil's Gum, and he said it tasted like Heaven, but he also said that there is a curse on it! What should I do?"

"Huh?"

"Jackaal! You're no help at all!"

"…So you are asking me whether you should try it or not?"

"Yes!"

"…I don't really believe in curses, so it should be alright…"

"Ah, true! There are no such things as curses! Thanks a lot Jackal!"

"I didn't say-"

_Beep, beep, beep._

On a piece of paper, he put a tick in the column marked 'DO IT!'

"Next is Niou!"

_Ring, ring. Ring, ring. Rin-_

"Hey baby, I've been waiting for you to call all day~"

"…Uhh, Niou?"

"Eh? Marui? Aww I thought you were that pretty girl from the café!"

"Niou, I have no time for that! It's an emergency!"

"What? What's an emergency?"

"Listen, today Fuji gave me some gum, but he says it's got a curse on it!"

"Then don't eat it."

"No! But he said it tastes like Heaven!"

"Then eat it."

"But it's cursed!"

"Then don't ea-"

"You are useless! What would you do?"

"Me? I wouldn't, I like my life the way it is thank you very much."

"Hmm, you have a point…"

"Can I hang up now? The pretty girl could call any moment now."

"Fine."

_Beep, beep, beep._

Marui put a tick in the 'DON'T DO IT!' column.

_Ring, ring-_

"Hello, Yagyuu speaking."

"Yagyuu, I have a problem."

"…Alright…"

"I was given a packet of gum, and apparently it tastes really good, but it also has a curse on it! Should I try it or not?"

"…"

"Yagyuu? You still there?"

"Erm, who gave you the gum?"

"Fuji did."

"…I don't think I would eat anything received from Fuji…"

"Oh, yeah, he did seem a little suspicious…"

"Uh, I'm a bit busy at the moment…"

"Okay, see ya!"

"Good bye, Marui."

_Beep, beep, beep._

That's two ticks for DON'T DO IT! and one tick for DO IT!

"I need more advice!" Marui said as he dialled the next number.

_Ring, ring. Ring, ring. Ring, r-_

"Hello?"

"Kirihara! I need your help!"

"Senpai?"

"If you were given a mysterious food, and was told it tasted like Heaven, what would you do?"

"Uhh…"

"But what if you were told it was also cursed? Would you still try it?"

"Errr…"

"Of course you would! You're all about living in the moment! Right! Thanks for the advice, Kirihara!"

"Eh-?"

_Beep, beep, beep._

It was now two all. Marui glared at the list, before picking up the phone and dialling another number. Time to acquire wisdom from the Big Three.

_Ring, ri-_

"There is a 57% chance this is Inui Sadaharu ringing to talk about a new juice, and a 43% chance this is one of my teammates. If that's the case, then there is a 75% chance this is Marui ringing to ask me a question."

"Yanagi, this is Marui!"

"My calculations are correct."

"Okay then, what are the chances that the gum that Fuji gave me which is Heaven flavoured actually Heaven flavoured?"

"…My data does not encompass the flavour: Heaven."

"Then what are the chances the gum is cursed?"

"…My data does not allow superstition to mar its reliability."

"Well that was a waste of time…"

"However my data does suggest that anything received from Fuji does not bode well for the receiver."

"I guess I'll take that as a DON'T DO IT! answer."

"My data does not comprehend this senten-"

_Beep, beep, beep._

It was now three to DON'T DO IT! and two to DO IT!

_Ring, ring. Ring, ring-_

"Hello?"

"Fuku-buchou! You have to help me!"

"…What do you want, Marui?"

"It's like this, today while I was at the HANDY 24/7 convenience store to buy some gum, Fuji appeared and gave me this packet of gum. He said that is was Heaven flavoured, and the most delicious gum ever! But he also said that it has a curse on it, the curse being that if anyone ate the gum, their soul would go to Hell! Help!"

"…You want to know whether you should eat some gum…"

"Uh-huh!"

"That Fuji gave you…"

"Yup!"

"That's Heaven flavoured…"

"That's right!"

"That's cursed."

"Yeah! So what should I do?"

"…"

_Beep, beep, beep._

"Hello? Fuku-buchou?"

Marui decided not to tick anything, as Sanada hadn't said which one he should choose. It was all up to Yukimura. If the score became 4-2, he wouldn't eat it. If it tied… he'd think of something.

_Ring, ring. Ring, ring-_

"Hello, this is Yukimura Seiichi speaking."

"Buchou! It's Marui! I want to ask you something."

"…Alright Marui."

"I was given some cursed Heaven flavoured gum today from Fuji. Should I eat it or not?"

"…Gum?"

"Yeah, but Fuji said it's cursed."

"Cursed gum…"

"But it's also Heaven flavoured."

"So you are asking me whether you should eat some Heaven flavoured cursed gum?"

"Yes! Please help meee!"

"…I think you should try it."

"Eh?"

It's always good to try new things. I'm sure Fuji wouldn't be cruel enough to give you poison. Haha~"

"…Uh, thanks, Buchou…"

"No problem, Marui!"

_Beep, beep, beep._

Marui sombrely ticked in the DO IT! column. Now it was tied three all, which was now a problem. Marui's eyes flashed with determination. He knew what he had to do.

"MOM!"

"YES HONEY?"

"I WAS GVEN GUM BY SOMEONE, SHOULD I EAT IT?"

"OF COURSE DEAR! YOU SHOULD ALWAYS ACCEPT GIFTS GRATEFULLY!"

"OKAY MOM! THANKS!"

"NO PROBLEM SWEETIE!"

Marui grinned.

"Okay! I've decided to eat this gum! Bring it on, Hell!"

Marui proceeded to start tearing the packaging, and as he did, he began to realise that there was more packaging beneath. He completely tore off the outer packaging and looked at the packet of gum.

CHEWING GUM ~ GRAPE FLAVOUR

Marui continued to stare at the gum… the exact same gum he had picked up in the HANDY 24/7 convenience store.

"…I hate you, Fuji."

In another house, Fuji was cackling in glee.

"I knew economics would come in handy some day!"

_**Moral: Don't trust Fuji.**_

**Owari**

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A/N:** Wheee! Finished! I'm very happy about this, I love it! My favourite would probably be Sanada's and Kirihara's! Please review and tell me what your favourite phone convo was!

**Japanese Translations~**

**Senpai – Upper-classman**

**Fuku-buchou – Vice-captain**

**Buchou – Captain**

**Owari - End**


End file.
